Wow what a start to the year it has been. From out of control bushfires in Australia, to floods and now this Virus that is sending the entire world into a panic.
To say that life has certainly changed is an understatement. Suddenly we have gone from visiting friends, coffee dates, under 10 cricket games and date nights to living life inside the 4 walls of our house.. with no where to go.
If you are anything like me… which if you are reading my blog.. you probably are… there are new challenges that we have to face. A big one for many of us is learning how to work from home + working from home with our partners/lovers/hubbies/children/pets!
It’s one thing to see each other at the end of the day…. it’s a whole new ball game, when we are literally in each others space ALL THE DAMN TIME!! Throw some kids, pets and stress in the mix… and we are in for a ride!
If I was facing this 4 years ago, I would have been a crying mess of tears, shame, frustration and anxiety. Oh boy.. that Rachael wouldn’t have been able to handle it and I would have come out on the others side 100% worse then going in.
So if you need a little pick me up, on how you can handle these new changes without being like old Rachael… then here are my top tips on handling the new changes so that they DONT affect your relationship, your home life + your sanity.
Tip Number 1: RELEASE CONTROL.
This is a big one. When the times get tough the natural human response is to switch to controlling. Suddenly we turn from carefree loving wife + mum.. to controlling dictator who is monitoring everything and everyone in the home. It’s a normal response. When we feel as though life is somewhat uncertain the natural response to start controlling. BUT and big BUT on this one… control never builds love + connection. Controlling pushes people away. Controlling leaves our home feeling like a prison instead of a safe haven.
The best thing we can do, is release control. This means, we let go of trying to control our hubbies and when he works or how he works. We release the control of having to the an immaculate house 24/7 while having 3 kids at home! It means release the need to control the finances and having open discussion. It means learning to go with the flow.. realizing right now, things are going to change rapidly…..and we can either attempt to control everything that happens… which takes A LOT of energy.. or we can accept that change is inevitable, learn to adapt and trust we can handle it.
Tip Number 2: CONTROL WHAT YOU CAN.
Wait what?? didn’t you just say to release control. YEP! Releasing control is all about having a perspective that things are going to change and being okay with that. BUT we can control something in our lives… and that is OURSELVES. We can control how we act, how we think, what we believe and how we choose to love others + ourselves.
In order to make it through this time.. and really any time for that matter.. choosing to control our own thoughts and actions will help. We have the control to either… snap + get angry.. or reflect + be compassionate. We have options available to us at any given moment. We can either tear our spouse down or build him up. We can see this as a BAD EXPERIENCE or an opportunity for deep growth and connection. So control what you can.. that is YOU!
Tip Number 3: GET YOUR OWN SPACE.
I’m a lucky in this matter, to where I have a lot of room to be by-myself when Scott’s home, but there are many of us that just dont have that amount of space. BUT YOU NEED IT! Your sanity needs it.. and your family needs it. So find space.. your room, your toilet, the laundry, the backyard… heck even the dogs kennel.. find your space. Why do you need your space? Because we all need to time be by ourselves.
When we get over whelmed and cranky, that is normally a BIG RED SIGN that we have not been giving ourselves some time. Time to read, time to relax, time do things that make us feel good.. time to bloody cry…..What we have been doing instead is focus focus focus focus on everyone else BUT ourselves. You need your space. Your need your time. It MUST be a priority.
TIP Number 4: MAKE TIME TO CONNECT
We can spend all day with someone and not actually spend time with them. You know those times when you spend so much time watching TV with hubby… BUT you feel like you haven’t actually “spent time with them” because really what you were looking for was connection. You wanted those conversations.. the eye gazing… the deep and meaningful??? Yep! When we are working and juggling kids and pets and bills. etc.. we can completely forget to connect. When couples dont connect they drift apart. So making time to really CONNECT is quite important if you intend to have a loving relationship with them…
It doesn’t have to be a controlled session (cough… see point number 1) .. it can be simple as making it a priority to see how each others day is going. I know of a couple that have lunch together and choose to chat about their days so far. Other families are making dinner time.. family time. A time with no TV just them and the kids and glorious food. However it works for you in your space, make time to connect… really connect. Ask those question + listen.
Tip number 5: PLAYTIME IS PLAY TIME
I know from experience, when you work from home, it’s easy to just work work work. So it’s sooo sooo soo important to have a time when we switch off. Firstly it will keep your relationship healthy. because there is nothing worse than feeling like you are jocking for your partners attention… because they dont know how to switch off. It also gives you space to focus on each other, or your families and connect + all that good stuff.
ALSO secondly it allows you freakin relax. When I’m working all the time, I get super stressed out + tired! Why? Because I’m not allowing myself time to refresh, to relax, to do things that make me feel good.. and it impacts my business cause I’m not giving myself space to create. Trust me.. your kids and your lover will thank you if you switch off.
Tip number 6: IF ALL ELSE FAILS… GO FOR A WALK
The key to a happy and healthy relationship is… a high level of SELF LOVE. Really this is the biggest and most important tip of them all. When we make our own health + mind + soul a priority. everything else falls away. Investing in our own growth + our own needs allows us to get rid of all the stress, all the worry and all the craziness. HOW? because we are so grounded in ourselves that we become strength and calmness to those around us. We also have strength and calmness because we know we handle whatever comes our way. So the biggest thing we can do, when facing these challenges, is to fill up our own cup of love.
ALSO, let’s give ourselves the permission to love who we are, love what we do, love all of us.. every single part. Every lump, every bump, every bulge, the freckles, the veins.. love them all. Because they tell a story, a story of our strength, a story highs and lows. They are uniquely us. Make you a priority. Your family will thank you for it. You will thank you for it and we will all come out of this so much stronger, and united.