It is completely normal and healthy to argue in a relationship. But are we arguing the right way?
How we argue in our relationships can either build trust or break it.
TURST is one of the most important factors to have in a relationship, if there is no trust….chances are there is not a healthy relationship or a relationship at all.
We need to be careful that we are not choosing the need to be right in our arguments over loving our partners. This doesn’t mean that we have to agree, but we need to learn to fight fair.
When we are victimizing ourselves in the argument and staying attached to our EGO, this will cause us to go to war with the ones we love, and we threaten the relationship.
So how can we make sure that we are fighting fair and not threatening our relationship?
1.Stay true to the fight. If you and your partner are fighting about a particular topic, dont bring a separate issue into the fight. Stay on topic! If we use the words, “always” and “never” (which are always never true) we no longer make the fight about the issue, but we make it about the person. This changes the argument to a personal attack and we start attacking whether or not the person is enough. As we all know, when our enough-ness is being threatened that’s when we say and do things that seem out of character.
2. Look at how you are communicating. YELLING and SHOUTING are never good ways to argue. Yes the argument might get heated and you may find yourself starting to get worked up, but it in that moment you have two options: A) Start yelling and realizing all your anger at your partner. or B) take a minute to take deep breathe and calm down. When we yell and scram at each other, we show our partners that we actually have very little respect for them.
3. Love them more than you need to be right! What does this mean? When in the argument, dont fight just to win, arguments will happen, but if two both seek to understand each other, then they will be able to work it through. When winning the argument becomes you motive it will only end in disaster and 9/10 times we will end up dragging other topics in and yelling to prove our point.
Fighting fair are signs of healthy relationships, if you want to know more how you can have a healthy relationship, sign up for a free consultation.